There is a model of therapy I use called Internal Family Systems, and I have found that this therapuetic model, when integrated with Christian Counseling to align fully with a Biblical worldview, is incredibly beneficial for deepening our faith and walk with the Lord as Christians.
Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) is based on several understandings about human behavior and psychology. I will touch on just one of those today. This is the understanding that we all carry tension inside in the form of internal conflicts. The IFS term we used to describe these internal conflicts is “polarization.”
For a simplified example, a polarization is when on one hand we want to do “thing A,” but on the other hand we want to do “thing B,” and as a result we feel an internal “tug-of-war” that leaves us stressed or uncertain.
Navigating tension while being Spirit-led
I find that in working with Christians, many of us are carrying polarizations inside that directly relate to our faith walk.
- For example, a part of you fears rejection and wishes to win the acceptance of others (pleasing man), while another spiritual part of you wants to be bold in your faith and focus on pleasing God rather than man as it states in Galatians 1:10:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Here’s another example:
- A part of you wants to be reliant on God and Holy Spirit-led, submitting your will to His, while another self-reliant part of you is reactive and impulsive and doesn’t want to wait for God – it just wants to go!
As you can see from the previous two examples, the two parts in each case would be in conflict with one another. Though deep down inside they may want the same thing: security, love, closeness to God; they are going about it in different ways and their polarization makes life stressful and induces your suffering.
Think about Paul’s word’s in Romans 7: 14-25
“For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
“So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.“
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Why can we not live according to our values?
You can see Paul proposing the very type of inner polarizations we have been talking about. This is the nature of being human in a broken world. Paul uses the term “members” as opposed to “parts” in verse 23, but he is referring to the same thing.
Oftentimes, parts of you are behaving a certain way in response to earlier traumas or incidents where you felt overcome by fear, rejection or humiliation. So the part of you that fears rejection today, likely first experienced or perceived the experience of rejection early in life. The part of you that can’t wait to hear God and let him lead, likely learned it had to be self-reliant early in life as well.
When parts/members of you are carrying conflictual behavioral patterns rooted in early life, they are often what we call in IFS, “burdened.” This means that they would rather not be doing the thing that they are doing, but they feel there is no other way- they are essentially “stuck” doing this thing they do not even really want to do. Sound like Paul?
The parts of you that are inclined toward sin (behavior that separates you from God), the parts of you that are disobedient to God, and parts of you that seek to please God and follow his commandments but just always seem to miss the mark, are all often carrying burdens of their own. These parts/members of you each have a unique story to tell about how they came to be the way they are, what their goals are, and what they hope for.
And you know who your parts need to listen to their story? The Holy Spirit.
Good thing is, the Holy Spirit is already there for the believer (Ephesians 1:13), these burdened parts just can’t see it yet.
With all of our parts and the burdens they may be holding, in a Christian IFS session, we are met by the Holy Spirit and God’s redemptive grace, which is the healer of all parts of us. And Christ has so beautifully offered us a remedy to our burdens…
There is no part of us that Christ is afraid to touch. Jesus’s words for you in Matthew 11:28-30 are not just for the put together, socially acceptable parts of you- His words are for all of you:
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
Christ wants us to carry nothing without Him. I remind you in your therapy sessions that He is present, and He is the healer. In fact, he’s already defeated death and overcome everything that you will ever need to heal from.
- My dear one, as a child of God, our battles are not ours to fight. They are the Lord’s.
“You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.’” (2 Chronicles 20:17)
And what a relief that is to our entire system. Amen!
What’s next?
If you are curious if Internal Family Systems from a Christ-centered perspective could be a good fit for you, I invite you to reach out and schedule a complimentary consultation call with me.
You might also be interested in my articles, “Why Therapy is Important for Christians” or “Why Christians Need a Christian Therapist”
May the Lord’s peace be upon you.